Restlessness

When I got to know this quarantine will not be short, and I was looking at months of unbound time. The thought did not cross me that I could kick off my shoes and sit back. When it was rather apt timing, given my overwhelmed state because of college. Yet the only impression I posed was this time should not be underutilized.

So, that's exactly what I did. I picked up a new form of art, started these blogs, and took up time-consuming internships.

I look back and am grateful for my experience, I say this after finishing 2/3 internships.

Nonetheless this experience came at the cost of my time with my family. Who I hardly see after moving to college.

It is not the case that my family isn't proud or rather happy in what I am doing.

The cumbersome aspect of this was that I would be taking more than I could handle. Furthermore, knowing that it would start to be unenjoyable.

My haven got intruded when I was sitting down always in the hope to up my last exertion but not relish my time.

To a point where I could not say alright I messed up which is okay.

I started being critical of my work and in the end it was not fun; it was an obligation.

These blogs are supposed to be an extension of what I do. I never wanted to care about the followers or the likes on my posts but I have started to do so.

This revelation came to me when I was anxious about every stroke of my pastel. This realization had to be acknowledged when instead of putting up my work as I go. I was always thinking of my next post, and if people would want to see it or not.

Hence, it is 12:08 am and I have decided that I will only paint if it makes me happy. I will only work if it gives me the satisfaction and experience I need. I will only post if it is the product of my thinking and ability and not made up for anyone else.

Ergo, I will post my shabby pieces of "art". Also, my 2 am magazines for the assignment I was supposed to submit 10 days ago and just be;